Getting Over You

At last, I am so over you!


Looking at your picture which I took from the newspaper clippings, I feel no more pain.


Whew!


Now, I am ready to fly again as an Angel.


Goodbye,Blazing Fire.Thank you for the moments that you made me feel good though they were of advantage on your side,it was still worth remembering.

Congratulations!

July 30,2012
   
 I am done trying to think of the possible reasons why you just went away.No words.No nothing.I used to pride myself of being a keeper of friends.I do keep.It is true.


 But you left.What choice do I have?

You Said We Will Inform Each Other In Case We Run Out Of Emotion

Hello. Kumusta na? Matagal-tagal na rin pala tayong hindi nagkikita. Nasaan ka na nga ba ngayon?

Alam mo, miss na miss na kita. Sobra akong naguguluhan...nalilito...hindi ko na alam kung saan ako patungo. Para bang nawalan ng direksyon ang buhay ko. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na parang nawawalan ka na ng dahilan para bumangon sa umaga? 

                                                          

I Miss Y0u It Hurts...!!!

Is This Goodbye..?

"It is painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go, but more painful to ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave."


Ilang beses mo na akong pinaiyak.Mostly because you never fail to make me feel unwanted.Deep inside I know I am foolish to think you love me a little but how will I tell myself to stop thinking of you..?...To stop waiting..I need to let go of you.


I will.Don't worry, I surely will.Just give me enough time to make my feelings fade away.


Kung tutuusin,di ka naman pasok sa category ng guys ko.Pero nagising na lang ako na ito na ang nararamdasman ko.Ang hirap hirap kaya. Ang sakit.


Sana bukas paggising ko,di na kita maalala,Blazing Fire......

Gaano Kadalas Ang Minsan

Now,I believe what this song means.Fake affection would eventually fade.I know you are good in it but I have forgiven you.After all , it was my fault.I yielded too soon.I was so weak.




Gaano kadalas ang minsan lang ka mahagkan 
'Sindalas na rin ng dami ng bituin, waring walang-hanggan. 
Dahil sa labi ko, lagi mararamdaman. 
Kahit sandali halik mo'y dumampi, minsan. 

Gaano kadalas ang makapiling kang minsan? 
Sa 'kiy 'sindalas ng walang wakas, saglit man magpisan. 
Dahil sa ganoong paraan lang mag-iisa. 
Kung magsasanib ang dalawang dibdib, 'di ba? 

Ngunit kung pag-ibig ay hindi rin lang wagas, 
Mabuti pa, mabuti nga, mabuti ang hanggang maaga'y magwakas. 
Pagkukunwari itago man ay lalabas, 
At minsan kang matuklasan hapdi'y walang kasindalas. 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/la+diva/gaano+kadalas+ang+minsan_20882169.html ] 
Gaano kadalas ang minsan mo akong saktan? 
Kahit minsan lang sa 'kiy para bang walang katapusan 
Gaano kadalas ba ang puso'y namamatay? 
Gaano kadalas, gaano kadalas ang minsan? 

Dahil ang pag-ibig kung hindi rin lang wagas, 
Mabuti pa, mabuti nga, mabuti ang hanggang maaga'y magwakas. 
Pagkukunwari itago man ay lalabas, 
At minsan kang matuklasan hapdi'y walang kasindalas. 

Gaano kadalas ang minsan mo akong saktan? 
Kahit minsan lang sa 'kiy para bang walang katapusan 
Gaano kadalas ba ang puso'y namamatay? 
Gaano kadalas, gaano kadalas ang minsan? 

Gaano kadalas, gaano kadalas ang minsan?

Ambivalent Feelings

Move on,Rachel..


So simple to say..so difficult to do.Why?..It is because I don't want to do that without your formal declaration that you wanted out.That is how I keep my word.

                    

I Was Wrong

It isn't easy being in my shoes.I cannot expect for more.I can only give everything I wanted to offer.


But do I have the immunity to pain and possible heartache?


NO.


I  knew the risk.I was informed.I  had the knowledge.


And so I have no right to complain.

Yeey..!Birthday Ko Ngayon

It is 2 minutes past 1 o'clock in the afternoon...I waited patiently....for your message.


Now, I know what you mean when you said you were just testing me.The realization doesn't hurt anymore.Instead, it empowers me,giving me the courage to accept my fate.After all,LOVE is like gambling.One has to prepare defeat,pain and possible lose of faith.


I loved you.It was enough that you once made me smile,tremble at your slight touch and feel new all over again.It was enough...and at the moment I am typing this I am still hoping you would call.This feeling sucks!

    

Sana Di Na Kita Nakita Pa

 Bakit?Tama ba itong ginawa mo?Bigla ka lang mawawala.Ano ba ako sa iyo?

 Iiiyakan kita simula ngayong gabi.Bibili ako ng maraming beer mamaya.

Are Y0u My B0yfriend?

Who wouldn't want a real one ,anyway?.........Yet, when a guy is playing safe too much it will drive a girl nuts.


So,starting today, keep in mind that you are not a toy.If that guy wants you in his life ,then , he better behave like a real one.

First Love

Camaraderie

"Camaraderie is a feeling of trust and friendship among a group of people who have usually known each other for a long time or gone through some kind of experience together."

July 16,2012


 Dalot finally submitted her resignation letter.


I cried.It was too painful to say a word that I choked.


"You promised me...", I kept repeating.A long time ago, she promised me she will never leave me behind in this company.Yet, she left me now.




Dalot,Jing,Mam Chu, Roy, Ohnie and I are a team.Though we had a couple of arguments,we were matured and professional enough to patch things up.


Maybe I am just being too emotional because I have seen her as my righteous ally.She has been telling me to do good despite  the trials I had been through.

Paano ba pipigilan ang sarili na kalimutan ang isang tao?

Di ko alam.....pero sana may makapagtuturo sa akin...kasi nahihirapan na ako.

Hirap na hirap na ako.Ang sakit pala kung parang "option" ka lang.Nakakabaliw.

I Am No Longer What I Was Before

Experience taught me a lot of things.Pain honed the strong woman within.But it is LOVE that made the woman that I  am now hopeful of better things to come despite the negativity of life presented to me.

I Miss You So Much It Hurts...!!

When will I see you again?


I dunno..we will see...


But I cannot survive days...weeks...months without seeing you..


You will....just make yourself busy..


But....


We have to accept that this is what we are now.

Shirly

This is not my creation.I found it while surfing for beautiful words fitting my best girl friend She.


"Portrait of a Friend"

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
                from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

Sana Ay Di Na Lang Kita Nakilala

Nabigla ako ng marinig ko ang boses mo.Kasabay ng pananabik na muli kitang nakausap ay ang kirot ng aking dibdib.Kailangan kasing magpapalam na ako.Di na natin dapat patagalin ito.Sobra na akong nasasaktan sa mga araw na di kita nakakausap.Ayoko na.Tama na ang pagdurusang ito.


Mahal kita.God knows mahal kita at gusto kitang mahalin ng buong-buo.Pero nararamdaman kong ayaw mo ng ganito..ayaw mo ng totohanan.Pero paano naman ako?


Kaya nararapat na tapusin na ang kalokohan kong ito."Charged to experience", ika nga.

Dark Angels

I Changed My Mind

 Yes, I just did.


I changed my mind.I am not going there anymore.There is no more point for me to go.I will just be hurting myself in the process.You will just treat me as a specimen.You are hot one day and cold the next.


So, my birthday gift for myself will be a day solely for my own benefit only.I will spend it alone to contemplate on the direction of my life.

My Ultimate Wish

There are times when I caught myself unconsciously praying you will come back to make me feel alright.Deep within,I have this feeling you loved me then.I wish you did not lie to me.I wish you were honest enough to tell me she exists.It could have been less painful.But you kept your word that you won't hurt me by making me feel unwanted and unloved.But she is smarter than you.She made it sure I will get hurt.


Now, I am convinced that once trust is broken,nothing will be the same again.I cannot trust you anymore..but ,sadly, I cannot hate you.You have been around me during the downiest moment of my life and we shared tears and  laughter.


I missed you so much. I wish you are here to tell what to do.I think I have fallen in love with this guy whom I think is playing along.I know you will reprimand me for being a fool.But what choice do I have.He was so different that I woke up feeling this crazy thing inside my chest.


Please come back.I need your guidance.I need your help.Tell me what to do,please.

Hihintayin Kita

Hihintayin kita kahit di ko alam kung dapat ba.Bibigyan ko ang sarili ko ng pagkakataong umasa sa isang bagay na walang kasiguruhan.Iiyak ako kung di na kaya pero di muna ako titigil.

Magbibilang ulit ako ng oras...araw...linggo.Makakaya ko kaya?Baka ako ang magbabago.Mapipilit ba kitang mahalin ako?Alam ko naman kung ano talaga ang pakay mo.Sinusubukan mo lang ako,di ba?Ito na siguro ang pinakamasakit na nadaanan ko.Kasi alam mo naman kung ano ang saloobin ko ng una tayong nagkakilala.Wala akong inilihim sa iyo.

I Am Waiting To Be Found

I am still counting hours...waiting...pondering...not knowing what to do.I wish I could call you.But then I know it won't be right.


I already cried two days ago.


That wasn't enough though because I am still in pain now.

I LOve You Like A L0ve S0ng

No Sign Of You

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    


     It is almost five o'clock.I have waited long enough.Where are you?Should I call?What if?

So many questions trying to flow forth like my tears that I have been trying to hold.For the first time in my whole life,I relied on the internet for a sign of you.Why are you doing this to me?

I have a feeling that you don't want me to love you.Am I right?

       

Lunes Ng Pagbabago

 Lunes ngayon.Ika-9 ng buwan ng Hulyo.Dala-dala ko ang Bench na towel na sinadya kong bilhin pra lang talaga sa iyo.Andito rin ang mga sign pens na tinawag ko pa sa iyo bago binili ito.Ngunit di ka man lang nagtext o tumawag.Okay lang naman.Dapat nga masanay na ako na ganito ka at ito ako nagmumukhang tanga sa kahihintay sa tawag mo.


Dapat ba akong tumigil na sa pag-asang totoo ka nga?Ayokong husgahan ka pero para bang nauubusan na ako ng rason para mapayapa ang naghihimagsik kong puso.Wari'y nagagalit na sa pagwa-walangbahala mo.


Kagagahan ba itong ginagawa ko?Alam mo bang ikaw ang una kong iniisip paggising ko sa umaga sabay abot sa aking celfon sa pagbabasakaling may mensahe ka.Ngunit tulad ng dati,wala talaga.Sa gabi naman ay ikaw ang huling taong gusto kong sabihan ng "goodnight,sweet dream and  l love you".Pero papaano ko magagawa yon eh di ka man lang ngte-text o nag-a-accept ng tawag ko.


Tama na siguro ito.Huling chance ko na ito na syang binigay ko sa sarili ko upang iibig na sana na naman ng totoo at wagas.Baka nga lang sinusubukan mo lang ang pagkatao ko kaya mo ako naisipang balingan ng atensyon.Okay lang.Gigising rin ang puso ko sa matimding pagkahimbing at ito ay muli na namang titibok sa kung sino mang mangahas na paibigin ako.

Umagang Puno Ng Pag-asang Makikita Ka

 Nakakatuwang isipin pero magdadalawang taon na akong naglalakad mula gate ng aming subdibisyon hanggang sa soccer field para lang makita kang tumatakbo sa lahat ng umaga mula Lunes hanggang Biyernes.


Malayo pa ay tanaw na kita sa suot mong puting t-shirt at shorts.Di ko alam kung ito ba talaga paborito mong suot o ito ay bahagi ng iyong kalinisang nakikita ko kahit anong layo mo.Ang iyong singkit na mata ay nakangiti na kahit ang iyong mga labi ay hindi pa.


Uma-umaga ay sinasalubong mo ako ng iyong bati,"Magandang umaga.Ingat ka ha".Sa simpleng bati na iyon ay nakakabuntong-hininga ako bago makasagot.Di ko alam kung bakit.Di naman kita kilala.Sa tindig mong anim na talampakan ay lalo kang kahangahanga.


Kaninang umaga ay may kasama ka na tumatakbo rin.Alam kong matutuwa ka sa suot ko kaya minabuti kong makita mo.Di ako nagkamali dahil ng masalubong mo ako ay nautal ka bago nakapagsalita.Sabi mo,"Magandang umaga..hoy..ingat ka huh",habang hinangod mo ng tingin ang buo kong katawan."Opo..kayo din po",ang syang sagot ko at di ako makapigil sa aking tuwa.Napangiti ako dahil alam kong kahit mga babaeng "joggers" ay naiinggit sa katawan ko kahit di nila ako nakikitang tumatakbo sa circle ay nakaya kong panatilihin ang hubog nito.

 Pero paano na ito?Bukas ay Sabado na.Wala akong pasok...ARRRRggghh

Okay Lang Ako

Hmmn..this is quite a contradictory statement to my previous blog..Perhaps it happens to some..but definitely not on mine.I have given up hope on this waiting game.


I cannot risk my heart anymore.


If I will be broken again, I might not be able to survive the second blow.That is too much risk I will be putting up for myself.I cannot let that happen to me.


To the person I was planning to love wholeheartedly, I am sorry if  I already saw the signs that you will end up crushing me..pushing me to breaking point...and I can't allow you to do that.


I will stay away by choice.I won't be begging for scraps of love and attention.


Durog na durog na ako and you cannot add to the pain that is already existing in my system.Tama na.It would be unfair on your side,too, if I will make you keep your word.


Naiintindihan kita.Okay lang ako.Sanay naman akong walang nagmamahal sa akin.You don't have to fill in the gap.

I Will Find You

For many years, I keep singing the song "Find Me".It has this painful effect on me akin to being stab by small pins steadily.


I thought I was found...


I was wrong...coz I am still hurting now...taken for granted.


Maybe this is my fate.


So, from now on,I will have a different version..


This time, " I will find you no matter how long it will take....no matter how far".I will spend days looking for you..making myself available for whoever you are...I know you are just out there and I haven't just met you yet.

I will have an open aura ready to receive you with an open arms.....


I will be on guard for clues of your existence no matter how hopeless it may seem coz I know you still exists.

Everywhere I Go,Evils like You Plagued Me

Anong kamalasan ba ito?Why am I surrounded by people like you?No matter how hard I tried to be nice to crocodiles like you, I still end up being constantly a victim of your kind.I so fucking hate you.When are you going to stay away from me?Wala naman akong ginawang masama sa iyo ah.

Am I being constantly reminded of my lot?....that I am destined to be unhappy in this world?..Naah..I refused to budge.I can do this.I am not your dog.Baka ikaw pede masging aso ng kapitbahay ko kasi sa klase ng ugali mo at sa kapangitan mo,pasadong pasado ka!

Repost: Potato Blogs

APAT NA URI NG PAG MAMAHAL (para sakin) :)

“Mahal kita,mahal mo din ako”

Eto yung pinaka-maswerteng sa lahat. Ito kasi yung nagkakaroon nang chance para maranasan din ang mahalin.Yung nasusuklian ang pagmamahal na binibigay nya. Sa lahat, eto yung nakakatanggap nang pagmamahal galing sa mahal nya.


“Mahal kita,mag aantay ako hanggang mahalin mo ako”

Eto yung pagmamahal at the same time eh pagpapakatanga. Eto yung klase nang pagmamahal na puro pag asa at walang pinanghahawakan. Kumbaga puro pangarap lang, walang kasigurduhan na makakatanggap sya nang pagmamahal in return pero sa kabila nang lahat eh handa nyang take ang consequence nang ginagawa nya-ang mag antay sa wala. Maraming tumatagal sa ganitong stage. Maswerte yung ibang maagang nagigising sa katunayan, kawawa yung ibang patuloy na umaasa.


“Mahal kita at gagawin ko lahat para mapasakin ka”

Eto yung uri nang pagmamahal na nabubulagan ka na at nakakagawa ka na nang mali dahil sa tinatawag mong pagmamahal. Eto yung pinaka nakakatakot na uri nang pagmamahal. Maaring makasakit ka, makagawa ka nang mali, o makalimutan mo na kung sino ka man. Para sakin obsession na ang tawag dito.


“Andito lang ako palagi sa tabi mo”

Eto yung nagmamahal nang patago. Yan yung klase nang pagmamahal na hindi sinasabe pero pinaparamdam. They choose to love someone in silence kasi daw in that they don’t feel rejection. Usually sila yung anjan kapag kailangan mo nang karamay. Yung tipong mala bestfriend ang dating, pumefriendzone pero mahal ka na pala.


-So anung uri ang sayo?

It's Gonna Take Some Time But I Will Be Okay

July 2, 2012

 It has reached the point of no return.I could never do anything more to revive what has been lost.


 Clearly,even respect for each other is gone....and from now on, I will be seeing him as the father of my kids ONLY.


I tried,God knows I did, to see him as a friend but even simple gestures of friendship was still returned with animosity.I lost the man I thought he was when I first saw him.When his parents applauded me for changing him,I felt my hair stood on ends.I didn't know it was a sign of an impending doom.I could not portray the role of a therapist all my life.I am just human and is broken.He broke me.Yet,people were expecting me to heal him as I nurse my own wound,too..

Kahit Walang Aasahan