June 4,2012

I have come to a realization,I will never let any man delude me into believing that I am truly loved or even admired.There's no truth in men's words,I just knew that And LOVE?..It did not exist at all.

My faith in union has gone faded, washed with my tears and evaporated with the heat of passion dying out as desire subsided.

I will no longer subject myself to the crazy notion that a man could be honestly straightforward with me with what they are actually feeling.If being a boy-toy seems enjoyable to some, I find it obscenely detestable like acid in my tongue that I could taste violence rising up within my throat threatening to block passage of air.

Enough with pretension.It is now my game,my rules and my "win".I shall show no mercy to those who will try to sway me with feign affection.I am even too busy to spare time thinking of how a man will feel towards my hidden evil scheme.If a guy sees evil in me,then a bitch I will be to him.No signs of mercy.No human emotions within.

Why have I gone so bitter and so painfully revengeful?Well, it comes with age and obviously painful experience.

    Have you tried loving someone that it hurts to even think they will one day be gone?


   That even the effort of breathing becomes too painful to deal that you would rather die than face tomorrow without that person?


  So crazy,right?

Days..weeks...months..years..I have stopped counting.I have stopped keeping track of time.I thought missing you will be put to an end but I was dead wrong.

I have tried poisoning my thoughts by telling myself you are taking me for a ride, that you only wanted me to entertain you when boredom sets in, that you are making me an experiment and that I don't really matter to you.Yet every time I close my eyes, I feel that crazy sensation and unknowingly I am head over heels in love with you again.

When will this end?When will I ever gonna let go?When will I stop waiting?

It is even crazier and more painful now because at uncertain time I could feel you,I could hear your voice,I could smell you and I could see you smile in my head that I wish I could pluck you out and hug you tight.

This has to end.....but how..?