To all the people who caused me so  much pain, who pushed me to the edge of patience and who challenged me to develop my potential, thank you for being the instrument that helped me reached the level of maturity I am equipped now.

If not because of them ,I would have run away from pain and disappear on earth for good.There are nights that I am on the verge of having morbid thoughts mostly towards myself, yet, when I reach out to hold unto something or some reason why I should continue the fight to live, pictures of them giggling when they were still babies popped up like a movie inside my head and I'd cry until I fall asleep.

I missed you
Every night I go to sleep thinking about you
..except the nights that I can't sleep


because I want you so badly

My Sturdy Katharine

Days before the tournament,she kept asking what she will get if she wins the bout and every time, I will just smile adoringly at her.Deep inside I fear her motive.She has a way of surprising me even with the way she did in school.She is the type who doesn't want to dwell on things when she is home.When the fight started I saw a girl too eager to do what she's aiming for.Though she lacked training yet, she tried her best.Her opponent won by 1 point.After the winner was announced she ran into my arms and sobbed,tears flowed like a river and I pacified her by saying she could still do it next month.

My Katharine,strong-willed and determined, more often misunderstood by everyone,has a heart only people who loves her can understand.

On The Mat

From where I stood I could have a full view of the center of the mat where my son was standing fully clad in his Taekwondo uniform.His blue head gear covered his new haircut which brought him tears two days ago.His face is a picture of a terrified yet excited warrior ready to face his opponent.I could smell benign hostility in the air as contenders were getting ready for their fight.Winning a round will allow the athlete another title thus giving them another belt.For my little boy, yellow belt seemed like a thing to be desired yet apprehension made him mum about the whole thing. As the referee raised his right hand ,Jethro's eyes dilated as he prepared himself for an attack.He kept advancing as he tried to land a kick on his opponent's upper torso.I was sweating with excitement as I watched through my camera's lens.

He lost the round but he smiled at me trying to project a brave face. I admire his courage.He truly is my son.

I will spend my day exclusively for myself and my family only.Caring for people who doesn't actually care for me is a futile effort doomed to hurt me in the end.Enough..

I will be  the person I wanna be no matter what people will say.All  my life I live in an uncomfortable world of confinement where every move is restricted.Yet,now, I will be different.

I dunno how to live a normal life anymore.There are nights that I wish I am a vampire on the loose.Seeking revenge constantly hung over my head like a nagging clouds of contempt.One day, I will be able to brush this feeling aside and start life anew..I sincerely hope so.